The Juke

I deserved every single ticket I've received. I've avoided dozens of others - not just some, but like 24, 36, 48, ... - but sometimes when I'm being respectful of the speed law they still try to give me a performance certificate.

The interstate between Spokane and Coeur d'Alene is two lanes in each direction with a wide grassy field between them. The Idaho State Patrol uses black Dodge Chargers with lo-pro roof lights and KA band radar. I had a couple of weak signal alerts before I passed him parked under an overpass.

I should mention that traffic was as heavy as it ever gets, maintaining the speed limit was a challenge and 5-10 over was difficult with so much traffic. On a long uphill grade I suddenly found myself the sole occupant of the fast lane and wondered why the right lane was so stacked up with cars. In the distance to the rear was a black car. "He did pull out after me after all," I thought. No radar alerts. Over the next few seconds, the black car made extremely good time and could have run over the top of me as fast as he was going. I was travelling at 10 over the limit maintaining a safe and constant distance from the miles of cars in front of me.

By now, I'm assuming that someone wants to give me a ticket and intends to pace me. I've been here before. This insanely unsafe practice of being tailgated at high speed usually ends with a court date and I didn't think I deserved one this time.

I sped up to position myself next to a healthy gap between two slow lane occupants (I'm sure that got his blood up, "maybe he'll run!"). Just before he came into position to pace me, I did what any responsible motorist would do, and yielded to an emergency vehicle. Except I did it with a flick of the grips, without warning, and dropped 20 mph at the same time.

He sailed by, hard on the brakes. I laughed out loud. Of course he would have had to stomp on the brakes anyway, because I had previously been tail-end to the rest of the herd - there was nowhere for either of us to go. As he flew by, I saw that he had his rear-facing emergency lights on.

Why would a State Patrol be screaming down the highway with only his rear flashers on? To tell everyone behind him that he's about to do something dangerous? Before I had been caught doing something wrong, he already knew he was going to cite me.

The ISP LEO had taken the traffic slot that I was previously occupying. I changed lanes to occupy the slot behind him and flicked on my hi-beams; they are very bright and tend to shine in the rear view mirror. I meticulously dodged every line, seam, pothole and bump on that blacktop. I'm told this is extremely annoying to the drivers ahead.

We drove like this for more than 10 miles. There was nowhere to go, traffic was thick and my exit was still miles away. When I reached my exit, I had to speed up to pass the car on the right and take the slot in front of him so I could exit the freeway. As soon as I touched the gas, 100% strong radar alert came on. I resisted the urge to wave with one finger and took some satisfaction in knowing he wasn't gonna git me this time.